Updated: Aug 25, 2020
I remember this day like it was yesterday.
I've been feeling so bad well since yesterday, I've been feeling demotivated, sensing that that feeling it's getting me, negative thoughts come like a storm, from nowhere. I wore some shorts and I start feeling uncomfortable but I try to think: "yeah it's fine you look okay" but inside I still can't believe on it.
There's something inside of me that doesn't allow me to believe it. And then I start feeling bad, my moods start changing, but I'm trying to focus on my work and the things I have to do, but my mood definitely start changing.
I tried to go for a walk but then the feeling is coming stronger and stronger. I feel anxious, I want to overeat. I feel like there is a battle inside of me.
Like I am fighting some demons or something like that. I know what I supposed to do I draw myself a plan but it doesn't seem to defeat these feelings today and I don't know what it is.
So I just want to change clothes and put something more comfortable. I changed my clothes but the feeling is still there, I was feeling uncomfortable I was thinking constantly about food all the time. And when I went to bed, I start crying and feeling hopeless.
I start feeling unworthy.
I start feeling like lost. And today I woke up with the same feeling. But more positive and more clear thinking that that was just bad day. And that happened when I let my emotions get me. So you see we can control our emotions.
And if we can find out the way to see what triggered. We can try to stop it from the beginning. So what I was trying to do today was writing,
writing a lot. These
writing this is helping me to be aware of my weaknesses. We all have weaknesses, they're not flaws, they're just weaknesses things that make us vulnerable. For me,
I'm fear I have the fear of gaining weight.
I've been lean for so many years, of course, I've been lean, but my mum. My mind was struggling inside of me. I was constantly thinking obsessing about food. I was obsessing if I was lean or not.
So, I could look okay,
but inside of me I was constantly worried planning my food. And I thought that was a library didn't want to live anymore I want to enjoy my husband's company have a beer with him sometimes because I know that makes him happy. Or having a pizza because I just feel like it even if I had the surgery yesterday, you know and don't feel guilty about that. And
when I started the process
of finding these new way and
understanding that we all have this
content inside of us and I believe is true. Many of my clients have done it. Many people have done it.
The thing is for some
are easier than others and these come down to the experiences we have in life. Because sometimes a, we could be twins, but we have different perspectives of the world, especially, we see different how people talk or, or how they talk to us. We see differently how we see things, so I could tell you something that for you is sweet but for a person could be rude. That's the way we can perceive the world, and everyone has a different perception, from my experience in my life, I experienced a lot with abandonment. We a overeating, not being able to face difficult situations like somehow. My family protected me so much that facing fears for me is a biggest struggle.
And I'm just realising this by
trying to follow my intuition, and trying to follow what is right. If I want to get there, seen all my weaknesses, what are the skills I need to get there what I need to could needs to be done in order to meet to get there. So at the end. What I feel that is
a struggle. It's actually helping me to
So, if I'm gaining weight now, it's teaching me something is teaching me that I should not focus on my body image. This is teaching me that I was really focused on my body image. If you gain five kilos, and you get freaked out. It's because you have all the images. So, we all have them because this is how our society works, about
how we look.
So it's fine to accept that but we can also work on that. I don't want to be focused on that anymore I don't want to see people in the street that a I see them a little bit fat and think, oh, they're not doing well, why I have to think that way. But they're the happiest person in the world. The successful person in the world. So, body image doesn't define us, and is not just about me also how I perceive the world I perceive the world like that. Like if you ever look prettier you look ugly. Or, I have a perception of ugliness, I'm pregnant, and that's
something I want to erase from my mind.
I want to relearn that I do want to do that when I free myself
from judging others from the way they look.
I want to free myself from judging myself for the way I look.
I know it's possible.
And this is a very vulnerable topic for me, and I know we can get through this. I know it will be hard, because learning about following my body. And what I want my intuition. It's hard because I've never done it before. So, sometimes, or most of the times I overeat. Because I don't know how it feels to.
Chop up your shoulder. And you just follow and look. When you. It feels amazing, because that they have it or that's the way you can keep this forever because you will be following that tapping on the shoulder. So, that is how the process is going to be. I think I'm getting enough power that when it's difficult more difficult because when you feel when you see yourself lean, or when you feel yourself you're you're not gaining at least anyway, it's like okay reassurance that you are doing it right, but when you gain weight you feel like shit I'm doing something wrong. But the truth is it's you're not. You're overcoming fears you are clean in your head your thoughts finding all those weaknesses that you didn't know you have, you know, because you need to work on that, you don't, you're not born knowing that those things you
learn, and are in your sub,
you need to bring it out. And we were scared of it. We are scared of hard things we're scared of doing things that make us vulnerable, we are, we run away from that we are constantly running away from that. And that needs to stop. Because the way to be better to be happy every day to enjoy the real life. It's to through facing fears facing yourself in the worst learning your weaknesses. Understanding how you can make that better. Making a simple plan or project yourself on doing little, small things every day. But you for that you need to know yourself you need to know what you're, you're missing out or you're doing wrong. And that's okay. It's fine. That's, that's life, life is dying. Finding Your fulfilment who said life is about having a good job or evening a lot of money. Having a good car, having a happy family. That's not life. Life is about finding your true fulfilment what fulfils you. Well, could be money, right, could be
family could be,
But normally, and oh surely
fulfilment is inside of you. Money family orders are external. So you need to look for fulfilment where you can be yourself around your self. I invite you to the next week to think about what fulfils you when you're on your own. He's helping others.
He's writing a book he's writing poems
It's what what fulfils you. And then you can think about that, I don't know, singing, but I suck at singing. So you forget about it right. But no, you can learn the skills to sing.
I'm probably yes you won't be Celine Dion,
but you could seem to make you happy in another way and find other ways. You know it's things that will feel as not always are a talent that will really have. In my case I have to build it up. So we, I invite you, when you write these things down. And you say, No, I cannot do it and find like as yourself five times why you cannot do it. And the next time. As you says how you can overcome that. So, I suck at singing okay take singing lessons. There you go, then you won't suck. Okay, I don't make any money of these. Okay, I can. In the meantime, find another job. While I build myself that could you could be become a teacher of singing perhaps, so it doesn't necessarily
that you need to be selling young.
So, you see you. You can find a way.
If you want to.
And if you want to be real with yourself and find what really matters to you and makes you happy. That is not attached to external factors and things. That's my invitation for you today guys I hope you enjoy this show.
Have a lovely, lovely day.
I forgot to say that this process for me is the one that makes me happy inside and that's why I'm doing this. And that's why I'm here today talking to you is because, helping others inspire others that it's possible to have a better life have more space in your head for things that really matters. Besides, how we look about food obsession emotional eating and overeating and gain weight and lose weight and all these fitness things. For me it's is the thing that fulfils me to help others. And what is the best way for me now to help you, is
telling you my experience,
showing you that I had so many struggles, my whole life. And now I'm finding the way. So it's possible. And I if you are like me, I want to help you, because that's my goal. Now that's that fulfils me sitting on a seat and write about the things I'm feeling and how I'm overcoming this. For me it's a way to help you. And that makes me happy. And that's how I can feel happy about myself when I'm by myself. Working on myself to help you inspire you to do the same, because there has, has been not nothing more fulfilled, or happy for me,
that finding my real self to
finally follow what it feels right for me, finding my values, my beliefs, changing habits that are helpful helpful. Understanding that life is not about food and how we look each other I was so, so blind with all those things. At the end he wasn't alive that I was happy enjoying it. obsess about getting money to buy a purse or obsess to buy stuff just to fulfil my emotions. Literally. I remember I only, I was happy only when I buy things cannot be okay that cannot be, you know. So now finally I'm finding happiness in small things like the weather. My husband. The smile he put on my face. The struggles I'm having I bless them because they make me stronger. So I'm just wanted to say that. It doesn't matter where you are at. You can always follow your heart. And I think that's my duty. And that's what I wanted to do. And, Yeah,
that's my story.